Some Serious Whys???

This is definitely self-indulgent but I'm having a hard couple of days...I'm feeling super creative and yet stuck and frustrated and it's bringing out feelings that I wish would just go away. So, perhaps if I throw them out into the abyss I might get some answers someday...

1. Why do I feel so depressed?
2. Why can't I just be happy staying at home?
3. Why do I get angry and snap at my daughter for the things I know are little?
4. Why do I feel so unoriginal?
5. Why can't I love without causing anyone else anger or frustration?
6. Why can't I just stay organized?
7. Why can't I stop judging and criticizing myself?
8. Why do I jump from project to project without always finishing?
9. Why am I so interested in other's accomplishments and still think that I can't have my own?
10. and finally...why have I lost my sense of humor?

I want so badly to pull myself up and reassure myself that these things are either not true or if true then completely normal and easily changed if I take small steps...so I guess that's my goal this weekend. It looks as though we will have family visiting most of the weekend so that should be great. I think I'll grab more books from the library and let the grandparents hang out with Lily while I veg out and get creative.

Reuse

I've had some book binding supplies and papers just sitting around from my horrendous trip to KC in June and sometime early last year my husband brought home this mail sorter that his office was no longer using, which basically consisted of a box that had these thin but strong shelves that slid into place (I kept the shelves, the box took up too much room)...so, to make a short story long, I decided I wanted to put it all together and make myself a pretty box.

I cut down two of the little shelves for the sides and just kept the other three pieces the size they were already and using book cloth tape I assembled the box (after several attempts which were thwarted by my daughter). I then proceeded to decorate it with some paper I thought was pretty. I know making boxes out of book binding materials isn't exactly a new concept, you can buy kits, but I'm really excited to be able to put some materials to use that would have just eventually been tossed. The box is super sturdy too and a decent size, probably 8.5" by 12". I haven't decided if I'll keep it for some of my art supplies or use it to house Lily's smaller books. In the end I'll probably keep it for myself. I may even make another one since I still have enough supplies to go around and lots of pretty paper too!!! Here it is...



...there is something to be said for making something all by myself and using materials that have just been laying around. I didn't want to copy instructions or buy expensive materials, I just wanted to make it work!!! And I did! There are a few flaws which I won't point out but it was definitely a fun learning experience...and I think it will have to be entered into my creative journal. I think more reuse project are in order!!! I have so much STUFF hanging around that just begs to be put to use!

Happy New Year!!!

I'm so glad for the holdays to be over. The only part that I'm sad about is that Alex has to return to work tomorrow after being home since December 22nd. Him being home was fabulous! The holidays weren't too stressful this year. With Lily being a little older we were able to travel without any big to-dos. Plus, we've been home since Christmas just doing STUFF. All in all though we've had some pretty rough days with BAD things happening and Christmas didn't pan out quite the way we thought it would...I'm just chalking it up to the year 2007 being our year to give more than we got. By far Lily had a great Christmas and has loved every minute of being together with mom and dad and I think that's what matters most.

I'm looking forward to 2008. I'm looking forward to a blessed year with some wonderful happenings. We have a new baby coming and who couldn't be excited about that?!?! Lily will have a little sister soon and I pray that she takes it all in stride. I think she'll be a great big sister, though it may take her some time to adjust to a baby that can't interact and play for awhile. Even with the baby coming I plan to step up my creative pursuits...perhaps it's because I'm turning 30 this year...a thought that simultaneously makes my heart leap with excitement while my face cringes. 30 is just another number but it still stands for something...I'm not where I want to be and haven't accomplished as much as I would like yet but I've always loved the thought of getting older. I feel more comfortable with myself...I have nothing to prove, I don't have to be beautiful, I don't have to appear accomplished to others, I don't have to pretend to be anyone but me, I just have to make ME happy. My husand, children and extended family help make me happy, my creativity makes me happy, the goals and objectives that I have set for myself make me happy (a little fearful too, but all new pursuits are like that). This year I'm starting off small, with a journal which I hope will lead to many exciting, nurturing and friutful experiences (yes, I believe a journal can do that)...



Here's to creativity and happy journaling!!! Happy New Year!!!