Deep Breaths

I can't remember the last time I was this relaxed. Alex has been home since noon on Friday. We've been taking turns with bug. I've been able to nap and pause to take deep cleansing breaths.

Lily loves it too. She's never given so many kisses. It's too cute...when she gives me one, she has to go to papa and give him one as well. I think I got a total of three today and five yesterday. Which is probably more that the total amount of kisses I've gotten from her since she began giving them. She's been difficult lately, she's very head-strong and starting her tantrum phase, but those kisses melt me and I feel like we can start over fresh. She's also talking amzingly well. She even said "hi momma" and waved to me when I walked in to see how her bath was going last night. That was amazing.

It's been so great to stick around the house while Alex has been off. Most of the time we travel for a vacation, but this staying home was much needed...I feel as if I've had completely new experiences in what is generally such a routine environment for Lily and I. We've gone driving each day, partially to explore and partially to get Lily to sleep. We've discovered and rediscovered new and wonderful coffee shops and we've enjoyed each other more than we have in a long time. It's so easy to become disconnected with so many responsibilities. Tomorrow is the last day off, but it's been so great, I'm looking forward to the next relaxing vacation.

My favorite fire hydrant

Odd but true...the hydrant below was my favorite...before it was replaced that is.



It was fire engine red and in the middle of a park along the bike trail and it shone like a beacon in the middle of the summer. It blended in with the foliage in the fall and it was one of my favorite fire hydrants to photograph. Why photograph fire hydrants? I don't know, there are so many different types...they're just cool. This is what it was replaced with.



It's not completely lacking in character...the hydrant itself is kinda cool, but the yellow posts around it detract from the hydrant and don't make for great photographic subjects. I'm really going to miss the fire engine red one but if this one will help fight fires along the river better, it's a minor sacrifice.

I Reseve the Right

fyi...I revised this post...I originally meant it as more of an affirmation for myself, something to give me strength, courage and encouragement but it came off a little more angry than I meant...so here goes try #2...

From this moment forward, I reserve the right to say NO.

I free myself from feelings of obligation. I free myself from feelings of guilt. Husband, child, family member, friend, acquaintance...I've always been understanding when you've said no, I've always given an easy way out if things don't work out, I've always respected your no unconditionally without feeling the need to pressure you further...please do the same for me. Feeling guilty for saying no sucks and I would hate for you to feel that way because of me.

All my love and respect go into this request and affirmation...I just need to feel a little more free to be me.

So, I'm hormonal

Being almost 3 months pregnant will do that to a girl I suppose. I want to do everything in my power to make everyone happy...unfortunatley my powers are not very mighty at the moment. With naseau a constant companion, sleep deprivation due to an overly cranky, teething, tantrumy, newly-clingy 16 month old and just the usual 1st trimester hormone fest and energy drain, I'm spent. I'm done, dried up like last Thanksgiving's turkey (which I am happy to say I did not cook...come to think of it, I can't remember who did). Moving on.

A young man came up to the door tonight trying to sell this wonder cleaner...it was cool...it got out Sharpie ink from a towel, mildew on the driveway, made a spot on my redwood planter look like new again, my husband's chrome bumper sparkled and shined...then I had to tell the kid no. :o( Ugh, I wouldn't have let him go on so long, but he was on a role. He was a good salesman...I got a chuckle or two. I hope I didn't take up too much of his precious time...I hope someone down the road bought some more cleaner from him, he was trying to win a trip to Cancun. I wouldn't mind going to Cancun. I felt really bad saying no. Oh well.

I feel like it's been forever and I'm finally starting to take photos again. It's nice.