just a moment to say...

...I am so blessed with this life, my wonderful family, and bitty moments every day that make me feel this way.

Baby Steps

Even as I write this, my girls are sitting on top of my desk by my side. I'm not sure what it is about this age for babies. I guess they're too big to sleep all day and too small to do much for themselves, so it falls upon the mamas to lead the babies where they go and show them what they may want to see. Such is my life at this moment. I am taking baby steps to get back into the swing of things. Baby steps back to photos, baby steps back to art. A little here, a little there. Sometimes I wish there were so many more hours in the day for babies to sleep and mamas to play!!!

Raw Tortilla Soup

I am so excited! Last night I began brainstorming how I could make a raw tortilla soup. I just love hot, comforting soups. They remind me of snuggly, comforting fall. Getting used to cold soups will be an adjustment. Though, from what I've read, they can be heated, just not above 118 degrees to avoid destroying the food's natural enzymes. The soup turned out fabulous even though it was cold. This recipe requires the use of a blender (not a super high peformance one) as well as a juicer.

Raw Tortilla Soup

Soup Chunks:
1/2 avacado, diced
1/4 green bell pepper, diced
1 green onion, chopped
1 small carrot, cut diagonally in thin strips
1 tablespoon or more fresh cilantro, chopped

Broth:
large cucumber
celery stick
medium sized tomato, quartered
1/2 garlic clove, shredded or microplaned to allow for easy combination
1/4 - 1/2 jalapeno, chopped (depending how spicy you like it)
1/2 tsp. dried coriander
1/2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. chili powder
dash of smoked paprika
1/4 tsp. cayenne (optional/depending on how spicy your jalapeno is)
1 tsp. fresh oregano
1 sun dried tomato, soaked and chopped
salt to taste
1/4 cup olive oil

Soak sun dried tomato in water for 5-10 minutes. Prepare the soup chunks as specified. Set aside. Peel and quarter cucumber. Using a juicer, juice the cucumber and celery stick. Pour juice into a blender and add the remainder of broth ingredients except for the olive oil. Blend until smooth. While blender is running, drizzle in olive oil and allow to run for a minute or so (this heats the soup slightly). Pour broth into a serving bowl, add soup chunks and enjoy.


Other soup chunk variations:
shredded cabbage, kale, spinach
cashews or other nut of choice
chopped fresh tomato
corn kernels
fresh squeezed lime

I would have taken a picture, but I really wanted to try this before posting. It's pretty and yummy, maybe I can get a picture when I try this again. The great thing about this soup is that the ingredients are pretty easy to find, they are almost always in season and are interchangeable allowing for seasonal changes! Hope you enjoy!

Thought Bender

What is that you say? A thought bender is a lot like a drunken bender in that it's completely out of control, impossible to reign in and just has to run it's course, either leaving you completely sorry that you ever went through with it or stoked that you came out the other side intact and enjoyed yourself immensely. I go through these quite often. Well, I suppose I can use the excuse that I don't drink anymore but I'd still have thought benders even if I could go on the alcoholic ones (some days I miss those margaritas tremendously...sigh).

My current thought bender is all about simplicity. I want a simple life. Is there such a thing? I'm not sure but perhaps I should consult the Amish. I want to live away from the screaming sirens (and sometimes screaming inhabitants) of this suburb. A couple years ago our entire neighborhood was blocked off by police in pursuit of some, uh, 'bad guys' shall we say. Two were caught, but the one who actually shot at a cop two houses down from us escaped, via the river no doubt. About four months ago, one of the neighbors living around here actually pulled a gun on our local police representative who was going around the neighborhood to cite people for blight, but was also accompanied by lovely fire fighters who were offering to inspect people's fire detectors. Why pull a gun? Because he was angry that he might be cited for blight in his yard...he stated that the government was too much in "our" business. So, pull a gun??? Really??? Additionally, the Pizza Hut was robbed at gunpoint, it's about four blocks away, one bullet round was shot into the ceiling. I'm telling you, our neighborhood is nice, really it is, yet this is what living in the supposedly safe suburbs has become. This is not simplicity.

I just want to toss my Dish subscription out the window and opt for public TV and bunny ears (which will no longer exist as of February, humf), I want to get rid of the house phone...who really needs a house phone and a cell phone??? I want to live where my yard doesn't back up to four other yards, I want to live without fences, I feel so confined and everyone eaves drops around here. I want to go to town, instead of living in town. I want to get to know the people around me (not live too close to them though) instead of pretending we hardly exist to each other. I want to say hello to Sue and Dan who work in the grocery store in town and chit chat with Brandie at the coffee shop who knows what I always order. I want to show some artwork in the local coffee shop and meet up with other women who knit so that we can discuss our lives and new patterns we're trying. I want to go to Yoga at least once a week with a slightly neurotic teacher and some of those knitting buddies. I want to grow much of my own produce so that I know what goes into it. I want to know my children's teachers and I want my children's teachers to know them, i.e. smaller school, teacher accountability and one-on-one instruction if necessary. I want to sell arts and crafts at the annual Christmas festival held in old town, where I would imagine everyone knows and graciously says hi to everyone.

Maybe this doesn't sound so simple to some but to me it sounds amazing. I don't even know if this exists but it would be nice. I have a feeling this thought bender will be around for a long time. There's nothing like that around here that I know of and the hub's job is super stable so moving is not really an option at least not for now.

So I guess I'll just have to satisfy myself by fulfilling other thought benders, like the knitted fingerless gloves and a cute yoga bag that needs to be sewn. Countless others will follow no doubt.

Gone Raw

Oh, how I love to take just a bit of time each morning to catch up on some of my favorite blogs and surf for new recipes. I have only a few moments really. I keep staring longingly at my knitting, at my camera, at my art supplies. They are lying idle these days, very idle. I think knitting has gotten the most action because it's quiet and requires little clean-up. I'm trying for my first pair of gloves (fingerless)! They'll be so great. I've made a few stitch mistakes but I don't have the heart to fix 'em. Gives 'em character.

Little Emmy is making super strides in the sitting department, she still HATES her tummy time and my hopes that she'll start crawling anyday now are still on pause. But she can sit great, she's even starting to get that she can get her balance by putting her arms out on the floor. She's so attached to me right now. ...sigh... She even cries if daddy wants to hold her and mommy is across the room. I vaguely remember this phase with Lily...vaguely. I hope it passes soon. Love her but I feel so bad whenever I go to Yoga and come home and she's cried her eyes out for 2 hours. That's hard on everyone, especially daddy.

So, the recipes that I've been looking up are of the 'raw' variety. I received an email from my yoga teacher with a link to another yoga teacher who has MS. On her site was a link to Ani's Raw Kitchen which got me started on all this. I love it! I thought when I started eating raw I would be starving all the time but I'm not at all. I've been eating mostly veggies, fruits and nuts, salads and some more gourmet type recipes that I've come across on Ani's site and others. I still have meat every now and again, fish mainly. But it was too hard for me to alter the way I was eating before in order to determine if this or that caused my MS to flare up more...this way the main things that can effect me are types of nuts and I still have soy products, which should make it easy to experiment. I had both almonds and soy sauce last night and something caused my hand to stiffen, so I've decided to have soy sauce today and almonds tomorrow to see how it affects me.

Ah, I hear baby, so bye for now!!!

Now I Remember Why

This is why I love my camera. I still didn't get a chance to get the camera out this weekend. It was all about getting as much done as possible while grandma was here to care for the girls. But I did get a chance FINALLY to get the photos from last weekend off of my camera card...and I found some that I love. The one above is one of them. My Lily, the epitomy of childhood and fun, what goes together better that balloons, afternoon sun and a payground???

The Crazy Busy Calm

Two weeks post diagnosis and I can't actually say that I've handled the news with the utmost of grace. Though, I'm not quite sure how anyone is supposed to handle news like this.

All I can say is that I feel much better now. I'm starting to get back into the swing of things. I can hardly wait to pick up my camera again. I feel like it's been forever. I felt like I needed to check out of all things that were extraneous to my home life for a while. Too many thoughts swirling in my head that needed attention. Honestly, I think I just needed to weed through them all and determine which actually needed attention and which needed to be ignored due to their destructive nature. I feel like I'm there now, bad thoughts gone, good ones here to stay. Head back on straight and ready to spread my attention again. Phew!

My little girls...I so need to get more pictures of them. Hopefully this weekend will make for some good opportunities. I actually have some from last weekend that include a birthday party for one of Lily's little friends that I haven't even downloaded yet...that is an amazing feat in itself. Pictures that are still on the camera card?!?!?!? Why, that's unheard of!

Things I'm working on:

-Organization, Organization, Organization!!!! New cubby style bookcases make for super-duper organization! Woo-hoo, let the oraganization craziness begin!

-Moving the girls to their new, bigger room, with the cutest cupcake sprinkles motif done by yours truly!!!

-Planning the new vegetable planters for the backyard! I can hardly wait!

-Scarves, scarves and more scarves. Finishing scarves from last year and inventing new ones for this year!!! How many scarves can one girl have???? Never enough I say!!!! Hah hah!!

All Over the Place

Right now I am all over the place emotionally. I'll be thinking positive strong thoughts and then all of a sudden break into tears. "Why me?" "what's ahead?" "what if?" that sort of thing...you know.

I strongly feel that I will not be on a drug therapy. From much of what I have read it seems that drugs aren't always that beneficial in slowing/preventing episodes. I am still smack-dab in the middle of a full-blown episode, mild compared to some people, still yucky for me though. A few days ago I felt better when I woke up only to get worse again by the end of the day into the next few days and even now. I still have a numb hand and arm, I have an almost costant buzzing in my legs and feet combined with pretty mild numbness in both legs now and I still have tingling or buzzing in my feet when I put my head down to look at my feet, only now I feel it occasionally in my torso as well. On top of that, I am just stripped of energy right now which makes it hard to take care of the girls. I still do it, I just feel worn to the bone doing it.

I'm still holding onto the doctor's words, he called it mild. Mild lesions, not huge ugly ones, mild ones...maybe I can make them stop dead in their tracks. Maybe I can keep them from getting larger. People have experienced promising results from a major change in diet (some very low-fat, some all natural which exclude gluten, dairy, processed foods and refined sugar), so far I am working with the all natural, low-fat and excluding dairy. It's lots and lots of fruits and veggies for me. I'm a bit of a healthy eater anyway at least I know where to start. When I wanted to make a change like this for weight loss alone, it was too hard. Now, I can't imagine eating any other way. My husband will offer me something that I know I shouldn't put in my body, like cheese pizza or ice cream and I want no part of it!!

I just want to be mobile in the future for my girls. I want to travel as my husband and I always planned...I want nothing to do with a cane or wheel chair. My vision for the future has always been clear. I see myself as strong, energetic, athletic, walking, hiking, biking, kayaking, traveling, gardening, cooking, working on my many hobbies, just loving life, spending time with my girls and the rest of the family. I can't accept it any other way. So, here I am, my vision, my positive thoughts. Honestly, I just want to stop thinking that there's anything wrong at all. I want to get back to a care-free mind-set. That's a major goal of mine right now. Less thoughts of a yucky disease, more of my life as it has always been.

Officially Official

I have officially been given the diagnosis of clinically isolated syndrome (monosymptomatic MS). Which means that the doc thinks I have MS, but a clinical diagnosis cannot be made until I have another episode. My brain MRI showed mild lesions, and combined with the swelling in my spine and my symptoms I guess that's enough evidence for my diagnosis. Since I am still breastfeeding Emma, we have decided that I will supplement with Calcium and Vitamin D until I am done, and then we will consider starting treatment which involves a weekly injection with some possible yucky side effects.

I'm bummed.

Update

So, second MRI down. My mother in law was fabulous...she came to stay the night with the girls since the MRI was at 10PM. I got to drink some wine and my husband drove me. That would have been horrible to go that late on my own. The MRI wasn't as bad, I suppose because I was tired and relaxed. It took a little longer than she said it would though. In the meantime, I emailed my dr. to make sure there was no way it could be a pinched nerve or a slipped disk and no luck, he says that would have shown on the first MRI, he thinks I have a mild form of MS. Not sure what that means. I have an appointment on Wednesday to talk with him some more and decide where to go from there.

Here at home things are good. Little Em started cereal already, just a little. She REALLY likes it! We have been crazy busy on the weekends and Em has been keeping me steadily engaged during the day. Her naps went from long and frequent to null and void in the span of a few weeks. Ah well, it couldn't last forever.

I have a friend photo shoot planned for this weekend. I'm excited! I'm a little nervous too. I haven't done an actual photo shoot yet, should be fun! She's about 8 months along now so we're doing belly shots for her!!!

Self Love

Ok, so MRI last friday, appointment with the neurologist yesterday. He was a funny guy, made the news a little less scary. Turns out I have swelling in my spinal cord which means either my nervous system is fighting off a virus (how do you get a virus in your spinal cord?) or possibly I have MS. Yes, that's a little scary to say. I don't think that's what it is though. I think it's just a fluke. I think the swelling will go away without any interference from me (except for a diet of all-natural healthful foods) and without intervention from the doctors. What more can I say?

I just turned the corner on my 20s. Adios my dear little 20s. I will miss you, but I have bigger fish to fry. This year, this 30th year of mine, is all about me and getting me healthy so that I don't have to go through someting like this again. Bleh. The MRI alone is enough to make me cry. I can't believe I have to have another one...this time for my brain..."only your head will be in there," so my husband says. Silly man, it makes no difference. It's a yucky experience...one that perhaps will be softened by a martini, or a glass of wine...anything to keep me from feeling claustrophobic, I am not generally so, but this little tube...ugh...it gets to me. That and the noises...I imagined them as words last time...one of them repeatedly said, "back, back, back, back," another said "pow, pow, pow, pow." I know it's weird. It makes you feel a little crazy. So looking forward to it again!!

It's time!

Time to knit and crochet!!! Yes, it's 100 degrees outside, not sure why but my internal meter says it's time to pull out the yarn again. It's also telling me to paint and draw a bit too. I hope there's time for some more clay work as well!

A good question...

...I'm still going through with the MRI...but...I was talking with my mother earlier and she brought forth an idea, a thought that had been lingering in the back of my mind for awhile, well ever since this numbness started. About 5 weeks ago I had an IUD placed, I never would have thought it could be the culprit to my numbness and tingling. Turns out I could be wrong. I came across a site tonight, a forum, and it seems that I am not the only one with this numbness and tingling and it is generally located on the left side. I feel bad for others who have gone through months of tests and treatments, even thinking perhaps they had MS only to realize that this was truly the problem. Other side effects for people have been headaches, joint pain, insomnia, extreme irritability, nausea and heart palpitations. Aside from the headaches, that's me. I had a bad feeling as it got closer to having the IUD placed, I should have listened to my instincts.

I called this evening and made an appointment to have it removed. I want it gone. Even if it's not the reason for my numbness, I have to rule it out!!!

Positively positive

Ah, chalk one up for the laundrygirl!!! Being all proactive, that's me. I decided to call to try to schedule my MRI and I did!!! Friday, woohoo...one step closer to figuring out what's up. I'm trying to stay positive too, there's no point in getting depressed or stressed, I just need to focus on good thoughts. I think of it in terms of a minor annoyance. It's not like I'm immobile. I'm walking and bending and kneeling (not too much though, that's just the weirdest feeling EVER!). I'm still healthy and this is just a sign to slow down and take some measures to ensure my health for the future.

The shot above was from the other night. It was one of those slightly magical nights that just make you happy to be alive. The girls were excited to be out running around and I was happy to be taking pictures and Alex, well he says as long as his girls are happy he's happy. Lily sure had a good time. But there's not much that gets her down anyway, except for tiredness maybe. :o)

~fair to middlin~

~that's how I feel right now~

It's fair to say that I am usually healthy as a horse. I really thought by now I would be back to normal. No numbness, no tingles...no such luck.

Obviously I'm functioning, we went to the fair in Nevada County today and we had a great time. Lily just did not want to leave. She pet a cow today and said "ooooh, scawey!" She's so cute! She did it though...she's a brave girl!

Emma did beautifully as well, she was so interested in everything going on around her that she forgot to be cranky at all...until the ride home. :o)

As we walked around I had to check every once in a while to make sure that my knee wasn't swollen...it felt so strange but no swelling, just numbness. Just weird. I am fighting not to get frustrated. I saw the doc on Thursday and really thought they would have called on Friday to schedule the MRI, but I heard nothing. Now, I realize that they have no idea what I'm going through but one would think they should have just been able to schedule an appointment while I was at the doctor's. Even if they couldn't get me in right away at least I would know there may be some answers sometime soon. In the meantime, I feel numb and super-sensitive at intervals. My pants drive me crazy, accidentally running my toe across something is like nails on a chalk board to me, so grating it makes me feel a little naseous, and when my hand goes into super sensitive mode it actually hurts. I hope I get a call tomorrow! I don't like being whiney!

Numbed by Time

Phew, so much to do, so little time. I'll make this as short and sweet and non-whiny as possible. :o)

It seems that I am finally settling into the busy mommy phase. For quite a while there I had lots of time to take and process photos, to blog, to clean (hah, right!), to do whatever I wanted with my time. But now, instead of being a sleepy-head, Emma is just a ball of energy, wanting to play, talk (or coo), be walked around and otherwise occupy my time. So I am struggling to keep up with my other stuff and finding less and less time and fewer opportunities to take photos and let's just forget about the house cleaning. I realized the other day that as I clean the other one comes right behind me and makes more messes...it's almost comical. She also comes right behind me and leaves her little cars, so that when I turn away from the kitchen sink I almost always collide with something and barely escape disaster. My sister and I had a good laugh about that when we noticed the habit a few weeks ago.

On another note, I'm only slightly concerned that I am having some numbness in my left hand and left leg...it must be a pinched nerve but the doc. seemed confused that I would have both hand and leg numbness at the same time. I also have tingles in my left foot every time I look down. The strange thing is that my back doesn't hurt any more than normal, I haven't lost any strength thankfully and I can't pin-point anything that would have triggered this, it's all sorts of strange. So, the doc. ordered an MRI (no x-ray since I'm still breast feeding). Hopefully it's nothing more than a pinched nerve and I have a crooked spine...i know I do...and it's just causing all sorts of weirdo things to occur. I think a little physical therapy is in order!!! I hope so anyway.

So the pic above is from me jumping out of the car on the way to get it washed. I saw all these birds on the lines and they kept lifting off and taking flight. By the time I changed my lens though, they were settling down a bit and we had to go, grouchy baby and all that! I'll take what I can get though.

Love Thursday

For me, this love Thursday is the day I slow down for a while. I'll still be taking photographs, but the processing and uploading will be at a minimum. I get into a groove with these photos, in fact I've been on a roll and I don't want that to stop, but I want to ensure that I am giving my all in the most important area of my life, my family.

It's so easy to get caught up here in the internet realm. I really enjoy the contacts and connections I've made with people, I think they are invaluable to my sanity in all honesty, hah! Babies all day makes for little play for this mommy and that's ok because they are SO worth it! My little Lily amazes me everyday with the love and attention she wants to bestow on me and I stop to think sometimes, I really tried hard to make her that way, I'm so proud of my snuggle-bug. Little emma-lou, she's just growing and developing by leaps and bounds! Just last week she showed interest in her little hanging play-mat friends and now that girl is grabbing them and trying to eat them! She's fabulastic!

So, off I go for the next few days, but I'll be checking in online every now and again!

soft tendrils

soft tendrils, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

I just don't know what it is about flowers that inspires me. I notice that I flock to flower photos whether they are mine or someone else's. I find other photos like architecture, children, abstract, animals, etc. inspiring, but flowers...ahhh, flowers...

Sunset on the California Capital

Sunset on the California Capital, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

I think we try to do TOO much!

We decided to go downtown to meet up with a friend and see if we could get some good pics. Well, we got to the capital where we were supposed to meet our friend and it was too bright for a good shot, so we decided to eat, which took forever, so by the time we got the food I had to scarf it and then run out to feed baby in the car, once done, Lily and daddy had almost made it back to the car where Lily proceeded to throw a tantrum since she didn't want to get in, Emma splooged and had to be changed and all the while the light was waining (how's that for a run-on sentence?). Ultimately we got to the capital, I changed lenses to my 70-300, which turned out to be way too much lens to fit in the entire capital (hey, I'm still learning!) and got a few measly shots, only to get back in the car and head home with two crying children and we never did meet up with our friend.

What an evening.

tears for steers

tears for steers, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

There was no sunset last night. In fact, the sun diappeared almost completely behind a wall of smoke. While on the hunt for a smoky, colorful sunset we met up with our friendly steers. These are the same steers that months before wouldn't give me the time of day, I could never get close enough to get photos. Last night, though, they must have been hoping we'd provide some relief from the smoke and the heat and came right up to the fence to greet us. I wanted to do something for them, this guy especially, I think the smoke was making hime tear up.

As we left, we saw that there were cows peaking over the hill behind us as well...no good shots of them though. I do feel bad that they can't retreat from the 112 degree heat and smoke.

too long

goal today - bokeh, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

It's been way too long since i've posted on this blog. to sum things up, everything is wonderful! Baby is beautiful, sister is beautiful, daddy and mommy are very happy.

For some reason things are much easier this time around. Maybe it's the baby, she's way laid back and still sleeps quite often. She's so cool! She coos and smiles and talks back when you engage her. We had shots today, which made me cry...baby too. She seems fine now, no lingering effects...but for me, I could still cry. I hate that first cry when you know you're allowing someone to hurt your child intentionally and though you know it's for her own good, you feel just horrid. We're all better now though.

Anyhow, off to take pics of the horrible smoke that is filling the Northern California skies...maybe it will make for an interesting sunset.

I feel so...

...is generally how I want to start all of my posts. Anxious, elated, stressed, cranky, crazy, creative, poetic, lame, impatient, frustrated, enrgetic, tired, in-love...you name it, I've felt it this month, this weekend, today (especially today). Today is an anxious, loving, half-baked, don't know whether to go left, right, up or down kind of day. Racked with this feeling that something is about to happen (can you say baby) and yet completely in the dark as to when and if I'll be able to get family here in time and if I'll have the house cleaned enough, the laundry done, etc.

I took care of a lot of this over the weekend, but my anxiety stems from the fact that this is not permanent. It's never permanent. The minute I turn my back, the crayons that were picked up are once again strewn across the floor, the laundry that I meticulously washed and folded also strewn across the floor, the soap scum building once again around the tub that was cleaned less than 24 hours ago, the dishes piling in the sink. Phew, if only time would stand still, as still as I feel I need to be in my waiting state.

I could name all the reasons I want her to be born right now, but I won't. It just is. I just do.

I think I'll try something new...

I tend to get on the bandwagon on the tail-end of things, such is my luck, but I'm seriously considering doing TtVs (aka. Through the Viewfinder). TtVs are photographs taken with your digital camera using a vintage camera (such as a Kodak Duaflex) as the viewing source.

Wanna see some TtVs? Go here TtV Flickr Group.

I know these photos have become popular but I had never even chanced upon them until I went in search of photos on Etsy. Now I am in love! In fact, they acheieve the same effect, only perhaps better, that I try to acheive in my vintage-inspire altered photos. I'm not sure how long the TtV phenomenon will last, and I really don't care. What I decided since I opened up my photo shop was that I love what I do...and when you love what you do, you should stick with it right? It's not all about money, though that would be a nice fringe-benefit...it's about making yourself happy. If you have a passion for something, never let it go!

So, here I am, searching for any info on TtV (and amazingly there is so much available info, it's great!), been up for about 3 or 4 hours...though I did spend most of that time lying in bed, trying desperately to go back to sleep, obviously with no luck. My poor little Lily isn't feeling good. Running a low-grade fever with no other real symptoms to speak of since last night and generally when that happens she ends up in bed with us, usually with one hand tucked inside my shirt (her one and only bad habit so far) and snuggled up so close that she inevitably scoots me off my pillow. I was finally able to sneak out of bed though, decided to do some research to slow the turning wheels in my head. Just me and baby, keeping busy, waiting for everyone to wake up and contemplating taking on something new.

New Photo and Feature

The newest photo to make it into the shop! This one feels super soft and feminine to me. Sometimes I really love the area that we live in, we are so close to the river and this particular tree is a bit of a walk from our house but it is home to a multitude of beautiful butterflies. We get to see the whole process. In the fall, the caterpillars meander around the trails along the river, little black and red fuzzballs...careful though...you must watch your step there are so many of them!!! By spring this is what look like. Such a beautiul compliment to the spring blossoms!

Today my shop was lucky enough to be featured on
autonomousartisans, check it out! I'm so excited to be featured in someone else's blog!!!

Untitled

I think I'm tired. Nothing special to report after the dr. appt. I feel a bit deflated. Three hours of contractions with nothing to show for it. Oh well. I'll look back on this later and wonder why I was in such a hurry. For now though, I'm ready to move forward, like now. I did get to see her face really quickly on the unltrasound given just to make sure she was head down...she was super cute...can't wait to see her...tic, toc, tic, toc...

No two alike

I suppose you can't expect your labor to be the same from one baby to the next. But I was sure last night I would be calling the family and telling them all to come over this morning. I was awake from about 1:30 to 4:30 with some pretty decent contractions, granted they never seemed to get into a good solid pattern which is why I let my husband sleep, but there they were...getting my hopes up. When that happened with Lily, I knew that was it, I knew there would be no turning back at that point...so, I just assumed that this was the same. I suppose if I have to experience labor in bits and pieces over the next few days or weeks it's worth it in the long run if it's a faster labor in the end...wishful thinking maybe. :o)

So, here I am spending the day getting ready. We have a dr. appt. this afternoon, maybe she'll have something to add. But the rest of the day will be spent getting everything ready that isn't ready already...hee. Namely the no-fun stuff that should have gotten done over the weekend but somehow didn't, like laundry and dishes, cleaning the bathrooms and the spare bedroom for overnight guests. Maybe all this movement will get things started...yes, more wishful thinking...sigh.



Meanwhile, my snapping days may be slowing to a crawl once the baby gets here, I like to think that things won't change too much after her arrival, but I learned my lesson on that the first time around. So, here's the latest and greatest photo up in the shop. I sooo like this one which was photographed just yesterday on an outing just up the hill from home...Oak trees are fantastic aren't they? Just as in labor, you'll never find two exactly alike. I hope to do a whole series of photos on them someday.

Heidi Herrera Studio Launched!

Yay! I have a lot to yay about lately, don't I? I finally launched my studio site on Etsy.

heidiherrerastudio.etsy.com

I have been wanting to sell photos for a while now and I feel like I'm reaching a stride with my altering techniques. Originally I wanted to use some of the older photos that I have taken, but I've been so busy snapping away and have had some wonderful new material to work with...so, it's all new stuff up right now! I liked my photos before, I really did...but I absolutely love them now. I have such a great time taking each photo and personalizing it, making it mine, almost like a painting. In fact some of them remind me of paintings. I never felt this comfortable when I was painting or illustrating, for some reason I always felt a great pressure, as opposed to a freedom of expression. Though I don't think I've given up artwork completely and some illustrations may sneak up on the site occasionally.

For now, I am using my home printer, (a Canon i9900) which is a fabulous, wonderful, printer that prints beautiful, bright colors and prints up to 13x19. However, I think that I will look into a professional online printer and offer prints on fine art watercolor paper and/or canvas giclee prints...I think I'll start small though for now.

In addition to starting the site I also printed some of my photos and hung them up in our local bagel shop! YAY! They look so good. They just add a pop of color to the shop. I'll try to take a picture to post up later. I was sooooo hungry for a bagel this morning that I actually forgot to take my camera with me...doh!

Daily Click!

Yay me! I am so honored to be featured as the daily click over on shutter sisters. This photo is one of three that i chose to print, matte, and frame to put up in our local bagel/coffee shop, which we frequent at least once every weekend. I was super nervous to ask, but we have a particular booth that we sit at and the wall next to it is the perfect spot to hang something other than what is there (a faded smoothie picture framed in a poster frame that is two sizes too big for it)! I think I surprised Van when I asked her...since we are in there so often I didn't want her to feel obligated...it's such a nerve-racking thing sticking your neck out there like that. Anyhow, she said she thought it would be a good idea but she'd have to ask her husband...and as we were leaving she told me to go ahead and bring them in next time we were there. So, they're all ready to go for this weekend. I'm nervous taking them in there. If this works out, I'd love to rotate my images and post some contact information and MAYBE other people will be interested in putting their artwork or photography up in rotation as well. It's an exciting thought!

Photo Fun Day

The day started off very busy. The usual cereal and banana for Lily and I to start. Then came the washing of EVERYTHING baby!!! Over the weekend we pulled out all the clothing that we stashed away after Lily outgrew them...out came the bassinette, the swing, the bouncer and the car seat and...I think that might have been it...phew, it was plenty! It all got washed and folded and put back in place and we are now in the waiting mode. Bags are aaaalmost packed, though I have baby's clothes picked out. This time I am taking the smallest onesies I can find, I remember how Lily was swimming in the newborn outfit she came home in. Hey!! We bought newborn, it should have fit fine!!!! So, I am taking two sizes...the smallest itty bitty newborn onesie and pants I could find and some a little larger just in case. I think this little one will be smaller than Lily was though. We'll know soon enough!

So after our wonderful, fabulous, much-needed nap, we settled into a photo afternoon, which went about like this...

...it was all Simon's fault...he looked so cute staring out the window...


...but Lily thought she was cuter and I should take pictures of her...but she just couldn't sit still...


...we couldn't resist going outside...an attempt here at some slide motion blur action...


...then some sandbox fun...who would have thought this shovel...


...could make for such a nifty filter?


All in all, a productive and successful photo fun day!

Mission Completion!!

way too much Little Einsteins for me! :o)

I am so excited to say that I actually made a sale on Etsy. My first sale EVER! Yay! I was happy to make a doll custom for a very nice woman and her family. I just shipped it out this morning and besides feeling a little fumbly because I wasn't quite sure how to do all the postage stuff, even though I used to spend day after day handling stuff like that in an office (I guess it's different when it's your own stuff and your own money) I feel accomplished and I really hope she likes her doll.

This is what I sent...



I'm happy.

I Can't Sleep...

...weeellll, most of the time I can but I keep having these ideas for dolls/plush animals and until I act on them I can't sleep. I tried so hard the other day to take a nap with my daughter but this doll idea popped into my head and my wheels began turning and I think that was the longest couple of hours stuck waiting for my daughter to wake up...she was sleeping on me you see and generally if that's how she falls asleep that's how I stay or she will wake up and be grouchy and make it impossible for me to get anything done. I'm justing waiting to see how that pans out when the new one comes along...eeeek.

So, as soon as I could, I got up and started sketching and making my pattern and cutting and then I made my doll. And I liked her. But she needed some tweaking. So, I went back to the drawing board and came up with this one.









She's a keeper. She's all fininshed and super cute. (I'm not sure why but I just fall in love with all these plush babies I've been making...I suppose that's a good thing). Anyhow, her dress is completely removable so that she can wear any dress I make for her and I plan on making several. So far she's not up on ETSY but I think after I have a friend or two for her they will all show up there for the party.

Plumi Animals!!!

My new line of origami inspired plush animals (I call them Plumi!) is now posted up on Etsy!!!! Check out heidiherrera.etsy.com to see them close up!!!!

Melancholy Follows

A Tree With Heart, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

There is a melancholy that follows me. I try so hard not to let it in, but it does not redirect itself so easily.

It's interesting that I find the same melancholy haunting others as well...very busy, that melancholy. There is a similar theme among the other blogs that I read lately. At first I thought I was lucky because I've been so happy, but I guess it's time for my visit now. So, I was thinking I should write a list of some things that I'm thankful for right now...

#1 -- I am so thankful for my daughter. She's so cute and funny. We watched Enchanted tonight, it was the first movie she has ever been INTO. She cried when anything bad happened to the Chipmunk, she laughed when he got away, she cried when she thought Gisele was leaving, she was all smiles when she came back and she cheered at the end of the movie. She surprises me...she's not even 2 yet and for her to understand what was happening was amazing to me.

#2 -- I am so thankful for my backyard. I know it's an odd thing to be thankful for, but for the first time since we moved in it actually looks good and feels comfortable to spend time in. I just spent a week pulling out dead blackberry bushes and landscaping the retaining wall...just simple things that make it feel oh-so homey. And with the new grass that we had put in last year and Lily's new slide and her little sandbox, it's the best thing to go back there and spend some time everyday. Plus, the birds are out and about and the bird houses that we've got out are quickly becoming crowded.

#3 -- I'm thankful for the warm weather.

#4 -- I'm thankful that home-grown herb season is here again!

#5 -- I'm thankful for my camera. Though I haven't taken pictures in a week I feel like it's an essential outlet for my creativity when I find other things take too much of my time or energy, especially since I'm slowing way down with the impending arrival of baby.

#6 -- I'm thankful for the farmer's market. We are so lucky to have a year-round farmer's market just down the road from us. When most markets don't start up until May or later we've got fabulous fresh asparagus, broccoli, fennel, carrots, mushrooms, apples, strawberries, oranges, kiwi, you name it...it's amazing and so much fun to come up with new recipes for everything!

#7 -- I can't stress how thankful I am that I am close to the end of this pregnancy. I am soooo ready to hold my baby in my arms and not in my belly!!! I just hope she's an early or at least on-time arrival, unlike her sister who was two-weeks-to-the-day LATE!!!!

#8 -- I am thankful every time my husband does the dishes and picks up around the house which has been fairly frequent lately. I am just so tired from all the spring-cleaning I've been doing lately and sometimes I just don't want to clean the kitchen for a third time today or pick up anymore cheerios off the floor.

#9 -- I am thankful for the library...who doesn't just LOVE the library????? Such a money saver!

#10 -- I am soooooo, soooo, soooo thankful that I do not have swollen feet and ankles!!!! Yipee Skippy!

Me Challenge #1

I've spent nearly two years doing some down and dirty soul searching. I suppose we are all doing a bit of that everyday...but I finally wanted some solid answers...some epiphany to tell me why I feel and act the way I do.

Well, I have finally found my epiphany and it is this...there are no answers...and that's a good thing...because with that I have gained an amazing sense of freedom. I make my own answers. I make my life happy or sad or full of anger and resentment. I hide myself away or share ME with the world. I reflect my personal feelings on those around me and shut them out/shut them down, or I allow them to shout in joy or whisper in contentment to me and anyone else with an open heart just who they are.

I've known for a long time that my general M.O. is that I am a one-woman machine. I can do it all on my own...I don't need any help from anyone.

I don't know where this stems from. I'm sure I could go through hours of therapy to figure it out, but why bother? I have accepted that this has been my personality for years and years now. I also accept that this has placed me in a steel box...a self-imprisonment if you will. It has effectively shut out others...people who could have been good, even great friends.

I find that I have already softened my position on this when it comes to family. Since the birth of my daughter I have had to accept that I can't do it all on my own. I really had no other option since my husband's family does everything together...which, i admit, was hugely foreign to me in the beggining. Instead of fighting it though, I allowed it. I love our family, I love the help and togetherness they offer and I just sit back and laugh at the squabbles that appear! They always work themselves out and every member of the family knows how lucky they are to have such an open support network.

I have decided to start challenging myself each month. Even writing this I can feel the fear trying to hold me back...it's almost physical in it's strength. One step at a time though and I know it won't be nearly as hard as it seems in this moment and the rewards will be wonderful.

My challenge this month is to start asking my friends for their help. Simple? Not for me. But in time I hope it will be. I hope to forge strong friendships in the future...no more skimming the surface and keeping my distance. I hope in turn they know they can come to me and rely on me when they need it as well. Some of our friends don't have the family support that my husband and I have and I want to build a strong community of support for us all to share.

Sidewalk Chalk Love

Sidewalk Chalk Love, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

Happy Love Thursday!!!

This has been such a speedy week. I feel like it should still be Tuesday. I feel completely unproductive this week...at least in terms of artistic acheivements. My house is pretty clean and my laundry is done...I've made dinner every night this week and those are seriously some of the simple things in life that make me happy and calm and feel centered.

The rest of the week however I will spend on some more artistic endeavors. I really want to get started on the baby onesies that I have designs for and I also want to start experimenting with silk screening, an artform that I have wanted to play with forever now!!! My ultimate goal for the rest of the week though are more photos, photos, photos!!!

Lily and Daddy Snuggle

Lily and Daddy Snuggle, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

This picture makes me smile! A cherished momento for sure!

A Little Love

Heart Silhouette, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

I tried to have a photo shoot with Lily today...but this was what I got...I couldn't even get her to hold the heart for more than a few seconds. I think she's starting to think I'm crazy with the camera in my hand at all hours...though she's getting very good at saying cheeeez!

Currently the little one is busy in my belly. I think she may have turned herself head down finally so I've got some toes in my ribs, but it's honestly the best feeling I could imagine right now. I have so much love for my girls I can't even express it.

My life rocks!!! I'm imagining beautiful baby photos in about 9-11 weeks!!! I can hardly wait!!!

Incidentally, this photo was also done in part for the Shutter Sister's Love Thursday!

Lily's Letters

Lily's Letters, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

Lately everyday is a block letter day in our household. Lily has gotten very good at placing her letters in their corresponding spots on her letter puzzle...we're still working on getting her to recognize which letter is which...so far she has A, B, C and "whale" for W, she's so cute.

So far this week she has had several owies and she milks them for all they're worth. She had a couple of paper cuts on one of her hands, so she constantly held her hand close to her chest and would cry and show them to me at every possible opportunity...they are all healed now but she still looks at them every day. Today she fell and scratched up her knee though she didn't pay it much mind for the most part until her bath where she proceeded to cry throughout the entire scrub-a-dub time...the scratches are very minor. Lol!!!! I think we're in for it. She's showing a tendency to be as much a klutz as her momma was. I ALWAYS had scraped knees and elbows. I should have worn knee and elbow pads at all times!!!!

Photoshop and Scratchers Rock

Lily and Simonster, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

With the sun out in force this week, I am continuing to take as many pics of Lily as I can. Here she is with Simon lounging on the bed. Simon is deaf and declawed and super sweet, extremely accomodating of Lily and her antics. Sometimes he'll snap at her if she gets out of hand and she understands to back off.

I'm having such a great time with Flickr lately...I've enjoyed reading posts from some of the groups and have even found links to tutorials for Photoshop that rock...this photo was color corrected using one tutorial and then I applied a cross processing effect using another tutorial...I love the final effect!!!

In other news, Alex and I had a date night of sorts tonight that was a blast. I had heard that Starbucks would be closing down in the evening for one night but had failed to hear that tonight was the night, so, a little bummed that we were turned away we realized all was not lost and walked down the shopping center to Bel Air...they have Java City, which I like just as much as Starbucks anyway!! We decided to cash in a scratcher that had won us a bit of money and chose some more scratchers from the machine...all in all, we sat and scratched and giggled and had such a good time as we won here and there and had to continue to cash in our tickets and get more. I think we came out about $5 ahead in total...but to sit and laugh and just have a great time doing something simple made my night!!!

I See You!

I See You!, originally uploaded by LaundryGirlPhotog.

I can hardly believe she's getting so big!!! Yesterday I was searching through photos of her...she used to be so little!!! Anyhow, I realized that I had almost completely stopped taking them (photos of her that is). I suppose that could be due to crummy weather and a camera that's been acting unusually strange lately. But today we had to pull the camera out and play a bit. The sun is shining, this week promises to be beautiful and I think it'll be a perfect week for more of these!

Last Weekend's Photo Fun

Last weekend we had a rare day and night without the little one. She was with her grandpa, boompa and cousin for a pajama party...so, the hubs and I and a couple friends met up in Monterey...one of my all-time favorite places!!! I just wanted to share some photo fun, click on the photos for a larger view...

One of the very first things we did was eat...mmmm...then we went to the beach and collected our fair share of seaglass...


We then did some wandering to find one of our favorite beaches which tends to have some of the most beautiful waves as well as other sources of rare beauty...





A few parting sunset shots...



and the drive home the next day...more sheep than I've ever seen in one field before in my life...



i LOVE photo weekends!