All Over the Place

Right now I am all over the place emotionally. I'll be thinking positive strong thoughts and then all of a sudden break into tears. "Why me?" "what's ahead?" "what if?" that sort of thing...you know.

I strongly feel that I will not be on a drug therapy. From much of what I have read it seems that drugs aren't always that beneficial in slowing/preventing episodes. I am still smack-dab in the middle of a full-blown episode, mild compared to some people, still yucky for me though. A few days ago I felt better when I woke up only to get worse again by the end of the day into the next few days and even now. I still have a numb hand and arm, I have an almost costant buzzing in my legs and feet combined with pretty mild numbness in both legs now and I still have tingling or buzzing in my feet when I put my head down to look at my feet, only now I feel it occasionally in my torso as well. On top of that, I am just stripped of energy right now which makes it hard to take care of the girls. I still do it, I just feel worn to the bone doing it.

I'm still holding onto the doctor's words, he called it mild. Mild lesions, not huge ugly ones, mild ones...maybe I can make them stop dead in their tracks. Maybe I can keep them from getting larger. People have experienced promising results from a major change in diet (some very low-fat, some all natural which exclude gluten, dairy, processed foods and refined sugar), so far I am working with the all natural, low-fat and excluding dairy. It's lots and lots of fruits and veggies for me. I'm a bit of a healthy eater anyway at least I know where to start. When I wanted to make a change like this for weight loss alone, it was too hard. Now, I can't imagine eating any other way. My husband will offer me something that I know I shouldn't put in my body, like cheese pizza or ice cream and I want no part of it!!

I just want to be mobile in the future for my girls. I want to travel as my husband and I always planned...I want nothing to do with a cane or wheel chair. My vision for the future has always been clear. I see myself as strong, energetic, athletic, walking, hiking, biking, kayaking, traveling, gardening, cooking, working on my many hobbies, just loving life, spending time with my girls and the rest of the family. I can't accept it any other way. So, here I am, my vision, my positive thoughts. Honestly, I just want to stop thinking that there's anything wrong at all. I want to get back to a care-free mind-set. That's a major goal of mine right now. Less thoughts of a yucky disease, more of my life as it has always been.