The Difference is Amazing

I'm still amazed that I'm having another baby. I can hardly believe it. I mean, we were trying...we made the decision and it happened...right away. So, I shouldn't be surprised right? Yet I still am.

Maybe what's really the most surprising is that I'm so disconnected from this pregnancy. I guess with the first one there was so much anticipation from the start. Everything was brand new and waiting to be experienced. I read every day, I watched those birthing shows, I tracked my progress on line. With this one, from the moment we found out, it already felt like "let's hurry up and wait." But I don't have time to wait. I have too much to keep me busy to even feel like I'm waiting. Too busy to read, my todller hates me to be on the computer...so no progress tracking, and cartoons are definitely more in line with this viewing audience.

It's so strange, every once in a while I'll think, "hey I feel like crap because I'm pregnant"..."oh yeah, that's right I AM pregnant." Then there are the times when Lily wants to use me as a trampoline and I have to deflect her from stomping on my belly and squishing baby. Alex and I don't talk that much about baby. We're generally discussing things like how Lily finally said "all done" after dinner tonight, our holiday plans, etc. Poor little baby.

I DO realize that this will change...this feeling of disconnect. Once I really feel the baby's movements, once I can't go on a two hour road trip without stopping to pee, once I'm nearing the size of a house, once my stupid feet start swelling (my personal favorite...nothing like making a woman who already feels fat feel worse).

It would be nice to be spoiled the same this time around as I was before...I mean I still get the, "babe, let me get that, it's heavy," but the REAL spoiling comes now when daddy takes care of Lily and mommy gets a little break. I can handle that.

I can't wait to feel baby and really start that fabulous connection that I know is waiting there. It'll all become more real too when we find out boy or girl in December. I cried when I found out we were having a girl the first time around...I wonder what will happen this time???